he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
