Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
