How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
