i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
