I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
