Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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