You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
