my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
barbara walters just said penis...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
