lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
