I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
