There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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