i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
