The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
