so that wasnt chicken after all
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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