Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Everclear isn't food dammit
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
