it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
