And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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