there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
