Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
