it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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