we have pet lesbian snakes
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
