My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
