I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
