420 ftw
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
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