Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I need to sanitize my soul.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
