I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
