oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
