I should be sponsored by Trojan
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
