I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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