just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
