Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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