Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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