I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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