I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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