if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
