Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
