I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
