i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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