There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
