How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
are you so shy because you have an std?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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