Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
