Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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