This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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