WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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