That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
