he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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