Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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