you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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