he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
