marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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